Objectification and body shaming in PETA ads (an introduction).
If you’re interested at all in becoming an animal rights advocate, my advice is to just look at whatever PETA does and do the exact opposite.
I’ve always hated PETA, here is one reason why.
He can open a number of specialty stores, including (but definitely not limited to):
Benedict Slumberbatch (For beds, sheets, and other sleep-related paraphernalia)
Benedict Camambertbatch (For fancy cheeses)
Benedict Camperbatch (For camping and hiking equipment)
Benedict Crumberbatch (A bakery)
Benedict Hamberbatch (A deli that sells fancy hams and sausages)
Benedict Gumberbatch (A candy shop)
Eggs Benedict Cumberbatch (An all-day-breakfast restaurant)
Benedict Cumberbatch (For dildos, porn DVDs, and other adult paraphernalia)
Jawn… Jawwwn… do you love me yet? Jawnnnnn?
This coming elections, I think people should vote for Villar, Binay, Enrile and pretty much any of them candidates who’re in a political dynasty.
As a self-proclaimed political expert, I truly believe this is the only way to purge our government!
I can just imagine… with enough families in the senate they’ll be forced to play THE GAME OF THRONES, where you win or you DIE.
And through intensive research and juvenile photoshopping I have come up with a list of families, err… houses, that will be playing for the iron throne!
THEIR SIGIL: Black glasses on a field of yellow.
THEIR WORDS: “Kayo ang boss ko”
formerly, “Joey gave me STD”
formerly, “The Filipino is worth dying for”
POWER PLAYERS: King Noynoy Aquino, Queen Regent Kris Aquino, Senatorial Candidate Bam Aquino
Noynoy and Kris. The former, the president of the Philippines. The latter, the most powerful person in the country. Noy might be the king, but Kris can move mountains with her eyes.
Her crying on TV is the greatest weapon in House Aquino’s arsenal. With her tears, she brought down kings, lords, families, superstars and even healed Willie Revillame’s reputation after he killed people with a human stampede.
When Kris announced her resignation from show business and commitment to politics, every single person in the game were shaking in their boots. But like a true politician, she didn’t commit to her promise and announced a temporary leave instead.
THEIR SIGIL: A dinosaur on a field of wrinkles.
THEIR WORDS: “Never say die”
POWER PLAYERS: Lord of the Senate Juan Ponce Enrile, Senatorial Candidate Juan Ponce “Jack” Enrile II.
You can’t beat experience! Juan Ponce Enrile has been operating in the background ever since forever. He was an instrumental figure in the 1986 People Power Revolution. In fact, he is a veteran of ALL EDSA Revolutions (including future ones).
Recently, Enrile strongly declined against the passing of the RH Bill, which was expected of him as he is a devout catholic ever since he converted in 1521, when the spaniards got here.
Now about his son, Jack Enrile. My little birds tell me… NOTHING. Because Jack apparently killed them all, that’s his hobby I heard. So let me end this part by saying, Jack is really handsome and would be a great senator! #sarcasm #regret #scared #imgonnadiesoon #YOLO
THEIR SIGIL: Black man on a field of blackness.
THEIR WORDS: “Bling bling money ain’t a thang” *unreliable source
POWER PLAYERS: Hand of the King Jejomar Binay, Lord of Makati Jejomar Binay II, Senatorial Candidate Nancy Binay.
The Binays are the lords of Makati, and when you rule the country’s business center, you get POWER. So when daddy Jejomar decided to step his game up, he succeeded, easily.
And now that we got a brotha up in that castle, why ‘dun we get a sistah up in there too?
Nancy Binay might’ve been receiving a lot of flak in her candidacy, but she will surely win according to the polls. I think it’s because simple folk like me, see her for what she really is, while her critics overlook her humility. She is nothing but a human being. Tao lang siya, nothing more.
(LITERALLY NOTHING MORE, THERE IS NOTHING, AS IN ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE OF NANCY BINAY BEING ANYTHING ELSE BUT A PERSON. TAO LANG TALAGA SIYA. YUN LANG!)
THEIR SIGIL: Broken handcuffs on a field of orange.
THEIR WORDS: “Para sa mahirap”
formerly, “The power is yours” (at the end of Edsa II)
POWER PLAYERS: Erap Ejercito Estrada the Mad King, Senator Jinggoy Ejercito Estrada, Senatorial Candidate JV Snow (Ejercito).
The Ejercitos once ruled our land much to the dismay of people who didn’t sell their votes. But when Erap was king he went mad with power, and made a lot of tactical mistakes, as well as enemies who wanted to take advantage.
So after a failed attempt to impeach the Mad King, the power of the citizens was summoned yet again! (BECAUSE IN THE PHILIPPINES, WHEN WE DON’T LIKE SOMETHING, WE JUST COMPLAIN IN UNISON ‘TIL WE GET WHAT WE WANT) And we people-powered another President to oblivion! Or so we thought.
Now the Ejercitos are slowly creeping back up to power. One son already has a seat in the senate, while his brother is campaigning for another. Also, the Mad King aims to rule our country’s capital’s capital where he plans to wed a Dothraki Khal, hatch dragons and legalize jueteng.
THEIR SIGIL: Silver sword on a field of babies.
THEIR WORDS: “Bawal mag-condom”
formerly, “We sow, a lot”
formerly, “Strength in numbers”
POWER PLAYERS: Senator Bong Revilla, Former Senator Ramon Revilla the Creator, Cavite Vice-Mayor candidate Jolo Revilla and millions of unnamed Revillas.
House Revilla doesn’t have any senatoriables this coming elections but one cannot deny the great tactic that they employ in the Game of Thrones. No, I’m not talking about their still-active participation in showbiz—I’m talking about Ramon Revilla Sr’s extensive intimate activities.
Votes get the wins and sure-votes are always from family members. And after years of sowing seeds in every fertile ground possible, one-fourth of the voting population is now affiliated with a Revilla descendant! Why win over voters when you can make them?
No wonder Bong Revilla has been acing all his campaigns! He’s rumored to be going for the Iron Throne this 2016. If that’s the case, Panday better find more sheaths for his sword!
THEIR SIGIL: Orange check on a dagat ng basura.
THEIR WORDS: “Hanep ang buhay pag may hanap buhay”
formerly, “Sipag at tiyaga”
“A Villar always pays his debts” (common saying)
POWER PLAYERS: Senator Manny Villar, Senatorial Candidate and The Lady of Las Piñas Cynthia Villar.
In 2010, the Villars thought they could buy their way into Presidency but unfortunately for them, their unlimited wealth met its match in the form of the Kris Aquino’s tears. Hoping to regain their losses from their last battle, House Villar is now investing on another franchise of the Senate, this time to be owned by Cynthia Villar.
Husband and Wife in the senate together is a great idea! With this new business venture, the Villars are projecting to double their profits. So obviously, they’re going all out again with the campaigning! Expect them to buy ad placements in every place you can think of.
Where our current Monarch is a Bond Girl..
And our future Monarchs are wizards…
Enjoy your stay.
Has anyone made a videogame where you’re a princess locked at the top of a tower and have to fight your way down to ground level? Because dang.
Like, think about it: you’re given this nice little room and no objectives at all and when you open the door the guard says ‘stay in there’ so you wait and nothing happens and you open the door again and try and walk out and the guard pushes you back in and says things like ‘you’re our prisoner’ and ‘where are you going, you’re stuck here’ and ‘are you trying to meet your prince? he won’t ever get up THIS high’ and ‘get back inside before I get mad’. But you can pick up a vase of flowers, and you can swing it around. And the thing is all the guards are expecting the hero to be battling his way up, and all this one wimpy little guard at the top is posted to your room for is to push you back into your room, so you can smash him over the head because he’s just not expecting it, and then steal his weapons. And after that you find that the guards are always bigger and stronger than you—and they get bigger and stronger every level down—but you can generally manage to get the first shot in because they’re waiting for the hero, and you’re the princess. And maybe there’s puzzles and stuff too, but you have to solve them backwards, working your way along from end to start, because they’re all set up for the hero. And when you get the bottom and you have the fight of your life because the guards are massed up waiting for the hero, tons of them with awesome weapons and armor and spells and you think it’s the boss battle, but when they’re all dead and the final ground-level door is free to open the credits don’t roll. And you realize there must be one more fight outside the doors, too, before you’re free, so you equip the best armor and weapons and potions you can find and go outside and you fight this one huge lone badass man on a badass horse in the sunlight. Then he’s finally defeated, and lying in the grass, and his horse is yours, and the credits still aren’t rolling. And you look at his corpse and you see he’s got a locket on, and in that locket is a picture of your face.
And then you realize that that was the hero.
And then the credits roll.
This is what happens when the Wong sisters are bored. I’d say it’s a pretty accurate depiction of our family, particularly the bacon part.
Waste time and make your own here.